what are you doing to me

I spent most of my Friday night and Saturday morning deciding not to reply to your texts only to fail miserably (which, really, is an understatement).

I feel like I will want someone to punch me in the face in the near future for getting happy over texts like these but, really, COULD YOU BLAME ME?

And just as I had expected, I might have just been “one of the girls” but not good enough to be next to him which doesn’t make sense at all because I am anything but “concubine-material” to put things in perspective (please don’t take me literally, calm the fuck down, it is Sunday).

I am all sorts of awesome and I am sick of hearing “I don’t understand why you’re single!!” I say this with more sadness than shame.

But since I have chosen this, I’ll have the balls to afford the consequences. My Sunshine will bring me warmth and make me feel all fuzzy inside, but it could also burn me and hurt me.. And who knows? I might get charred to death.

You know the kind of crazy idiot that goes to the beach despite a Tsunami warning? Yes, c’est moi.

If I cannot handle sadness, if I am afraid of disappointment, if I am genuinely afraid of the possibility of being just another sidekick… Then it will only make sense to pull out. And since I have gone ahead with it, I am fearless because I know what I am in for and I can handle it.

I may be the idiot that goes to the beach despite a tsunami warning, but I am not the coward that fears the tsunami crushing her bones.

I will complain (obviously. Duh. Complaining is like.. breathing) but unless I’ve seen enough/know enough to know this is a complete waste of my time, I’ll let go.

Till then, I miss you, if that’s okay.