here we go again

As you might already know by now, I fall in ‘like’ too easily. “Too volatile” as V would put it, “having the ability to destroy even the things we create on our own.” I drop people as soon as I realize they may not be the one for me.

And in that sense, I am in control and I don’t fear rejection because I don’t rely on them. I rely on my close friends, my family and myself for everything. And as long as there’s no reliance on the person I fell in ‘like’ with, he is nothing more than a YSL ring I fancy.

And perhaps, perhaps that might be the reason why I drop them with no hesitation… No hesitation that we’ve had a great time, no hesitation that we’d make great friends because out of so many people, we’ve clicked afterall - I simply don’t care bout wasting another time of my life on another guy.

I get by my days in solitude, happy, with my boys, my sluts, with my girls, with my new found tight buds and I didn’t need the constant texting. I didn’t need to see someone’s face to feel better. I didn’t have to care bout anyone else because I just don’t. I get by falling in ‘like’ as usual, until

It felt empty when we don’t talk for hours and things start falling in place again, I feel normal again when we talk. Like I could breathe. Like I am given a piece of chocolate after a Dementor encounter. Like an eager puppy given the attention it so craves.

And as much as I say I really don’t care anymore because that is really what I aim to achieve, that is how you make me feel when we talk.

And the idea of rejection is too much for me to take so it makes me scared. A single “but” would crush me. So I am afraid to find out, that’s why we are friends.